Thursday, April 28, 2005
Philosophy: When believing in a lie may be beneficial
The older I have become and the longer that I have been a gay parent makes me feel ever more annoyed by the special rights that straight, married couples get in our society. For instance, straight couples' childbirth is paid for by their insurance company (premiums which gay men like me pay), but we had to pay dearly for our adoption. Straight parents can have their children subsedized by gay people. In fact, the law demands it. That's just one of many examples.
I suppose that the proponents of "traditional marriage" will argue that such rights and priveleges are necessary to support the family, ostensibly for the purpose of raising children. Well, since more than 50% of marriages fail, it seems like these rights and priveleges are being wasted on the ungrateful. Unlike straights, gay people rarely have children by accident (or subsedized).
So what could be the reason for such ugly disparities between the rights and privileges that gay families receive verses those that straight families receive? Well, namely, the fact that many people, particularly Christians, hate gay people.
As a parent, this frightens me. It frightens me with the gripping, "Don't you dare take my child!" primal fear that I started feeling once I became a parent. It's made me feel resentful of Christians and suspicious of their motives and actions. I was expressing this much to my partner, and he warned me that I may be becoming too angry over nothing. He indicated that, sure, there were some loonies out there, but, for the most part, things are changing are most people are coming around to a rational frame of mind about gay people in general and gay parents in specific. I disagreed. I told him stories of some things that I'd heard Christians say which I felt supported my point of view.
Then I had a different thought. What if I was right and my partner was wrong, but it was better for me to believe my partner's lie than it was for me to believe my truth? Meaning, what if the Christian threats would never materialize into depriving me of life, liberty, family, or property? "All talk, no action."
Is "believing a lie" merely code for my desire to remain paranoid?
I suppose that the proponents of "traditional marriage" will argue that such rights and priveleges are necessary to support the family, ostensibly for the purpose of raising children. Well, since more than 50% of marriages fail, it seems like these rights and priveleges are being wasted on the ungrateful. Unlike straights, gay people rarely have children by accident (or subsedized).
So what could be the reason for such ugly disparities between the rights and privileges that gay families receive verses those that straight families receive? Well, namely, the fact that many people, particularly Christians, hate gay people.
As a parent, this frightens me. It frightens me with the gripping, "Don't you dare take my child!" primal fear that I started feeling once I became a parent. It's made me feel resentful of Christians and suspicious of their motives and actions. I was expressing this much to my partner, and he warned me that I may be becoming too angry over nothing. He indicated that, sure, there were some loonies out there, but, for the most part, things are changing are most people are coming around to a rational frame of mind about gay people in general and gay parents in specific. I disagreed. I told him stories of some things that I'd heard Christians say which I felt supported my point of view.
Then I had a different thought. What if I was right and my partner was wrong, but it was better for me to believe my partner's lie than it was for me to believe my truth? Meaning, what if the Christian threats would never materialize into depriving me of life, liberty, family, or property? "All talk, no action."
Is "believing a lie" merely code for my desire to remain paranoid?
Comments:
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I'm glad to see that you and I don't disagree on everything. Our culture's rejection of all types of marriage but between a man and a woman seems senseless and heartless to me. My girlfriend and I are even considering boycotting marriage by getting a civil partnership from a state where those are allowed.
Personally I doubt we are likely to get to the point where the government is coming to take children from the homes of gay adoptees, barriers are certainly being put up against new adoptions, which is equally unjust.
I applaud you and your partner for choosing to adopt, and I wish you the best in parenthood.
Personally I doubt we are likely to get to the point where the government is coming to take children from the homes of gay adoptees, barriers are certainly being put up against new adoptions, which is equally unjust.
I applaud you and your partner for choosing to adopt, and I wish you the best in parenthood.
Thank you, Brad, that's very generous of you. Yes, we may happen to disagree on a topic that is controversial for really dumb reasons, but that doesn't mean we can't be like-minded on other issues. May reason and evidence always prevail over supersition, force, and elitism.
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